Earlier this year, many Toyota owners discovered a minor glitch with their automobiles: turns out the cars regarded driver input as secondary to their love of accelerating and the delicious sound of human screams. No big deal, unless you own a Toyota, or know a Toyota owner, or live on the ground floor of your home where the Toyotas can get to you.

Now Toyota's marketing department is struggling to put a positive spin on the incident. Here are five ads from their latest campaigns:

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Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!

-Anonymous

While helping my girlfriend get prepared for her summer semester abroad, I convinced her that she will need to get a new watch because Europe is on "metric time".  I said they have 100 hours instead of 24 hours in a day. She says, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that".  Good luck finding your new watch!
-Dan, ND State

So me and my (ex) girlfriend went to Texas (my old home town) to stay for about 3-4 days. And onmy step fathers land he had a single wide trailer for us to use while he stayed in his newly built house. Well one morning after waking up me and my GF decide to start at it again. In the middle of sex she asks me to moan for her. I don’t really do that, but I didn’t care so I did so and probably sounded like a girl doing it because I was faking it. So we get done and I start heading to the shower and outside in the living room (near bedroom door) is my step dad on the couch just laughing saying "well son it sounds like you had fun". Now he probably thinks I sound like a girl having sex.

-E-Brake, Army (deployed currently)

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Mario: Is there a problem, officer?

Cop: Quite a few, actually. First off, you're speeding.

Mario: I'm trying to win a race.

Cop: Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?

Mario: Well when you put it like that...

Cop: And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.

Mario: Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.

Cop: I'll also have to write you up for endangering a child.

Mario: Oh, because I've got Baby Luigi with me? He's fine. Not a bad racer himself.

Cop: You...you let the baby drive for you?

Mario: It's not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.

Cop: ...Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?

Mario: No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.

Cop: Sir, step out of the car.

Mario: Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?

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Fairy tales aren't as wholesome as they seem. Roll over the images to see what these stories should really be called...

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Each year, it blows my mind that the entertainment industry puts so much stock in a silly awards show. Sure, there are talented actors, writers, and directors out there who deserve a pat on the back. But there are also talented teachers, nurses, doctors in third world countries, and volunteers who get no pat on the back. I love watching movies, but do we really need to see the people who worked on them wear $5,000 dresses and thank their agents? I want to see those people play make believe in movies. That’s why I like them…because their job is to entertain us.

And these silly awards always come in the middle of pilot season, a three month period in which I’m lucky enough to read most of the pilot scripts that networks are pouring millions of dollars into. And I don’t know what bothers me more: the fact that many of these scripts have been put through so many filters that they are terrible – or the fact that the good ones never get picked up, or –worse – are poorly cast.

It’s enough to make someone like me lose all faith in this industry. What’s the point of it all?

And then, on Tuesday night, I turn on my TV and the one good drama left in this wretched world comforts me yet again. And I remember what entertainment really is. That’s right: it’s time for LOST, motherf*ckers!

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